My inner monologue is a b*tch

Hello again guys, I'm Amber and I'm working on building a safe place to go for ladies embarking on a health and fitness journey. The vision I have is to provide you with comforting reads based on my experiences as I delve into lots of different fitness and life related topics to help you stay on track and stay motivated. I'm just a mum of two with a passion for sustainable fat loss being accessible to everyone, so let's dive in to todays topic of discussion which is how we speak to ourselves and our inner bully. 

My daughter (5) is always telling me how good she is at things and how cool and fun her outfits are. My step daughter (12) often oozes confidence in herself, giving me singing and dance performances and reminding me regularly that she, is in fact, slay. When I was 10 or 11, I was already critiquing myself. I started self-harming when I was 11. I remember thinking that 1. I was bigger than my peers, 2. my face wasn't as attractive (I regularly called myself ugly in the diary I kept), 3. I was a burden to my friends and family, as if they were only around because they thought they had to be and 4. I was not worthy of respect because I did not respect myself, especially not my body.

I'd love to delve into why I thought this way. I wasn't bullied at school and I did have friends. I got comments here and there mainly from boys about the fact that I was the less attractive one of the group, whatever group I was in but not to the point where it was noticeably constant. I was raised in a generation (I'm 31) where we were surrounded by content in magazines and on tele slating celebrities for gaining weight or looking unattractive in a certain light or angle. Don't we all kind of look like thumb heads from a certain angle though! I guess I don't remember there being much of a body positivity movement as a pre teen or teenager. I don't remember girls talking about feeling empowered, just that we should be shrinking ourselves. I remember my mum being on different diets over the years, in fact I think we actually attended some Weightwatchers meetings together at some point of my teen life. Maybe these are the experiences that have shaped my mindset over the time where a girls mind is so impressionable and our bodies and hormones are ever changing. 

I wonder what Amber would have grown up to be like if she wasn't exposed to these experiences. Would I have had a better relationship with my body? Maybe so, maybe not, we will never know. But as a grown ass adult I regularly have to check myself. Because how we speak to ourselves in our inner monologue can really make a difference to our progress. Say for example I'm having a bad body image day. Which is totally normal to have by the way, we can't think that we slay 100% of the time. On these days I am still learning that I do not have to punish my body for being the way it is, the feelings of inferiority will pass, our brains are just being assholes and pulling old habits from our teen days! My inner bully does not get to win. It is the most important on these days when you're on a health and fitness journey to stick to the habits you've been rinsing and repeating because it is the completion of the habit and its outcome that makes you feel good about yourself.

Let me give an example. I wake up a few days before my period is due and I know Mother Nature is calling, I'm in the thick of my luteal phase. I am bloated, I feel hungry, I feel sluggish and demotivated. Best thing to do is exactly what I would do on the days I wake up feeling great (hello ovulation). I'm going to get my steps in, I'm going to fuel myself with nutritious food (rather than hit the beige snacks that make me feel even more sluggish), I'm going to put on a cute outfit that I know I've felt good in before, I'm going to speak kindly to myself. I know it's easier said than done, but on these days it's best not to rely on motivation to do the things, you just need to dig a bit deeper and do them because you know they are tried and tested habits that will serve you in the short term (hello more energy and a full belly of nutrients) as well as taking a step closer to your goals, whatever they may be. 

Self love is a term thrown around a lot these days perhaps because when I was younger it was uncool to be so sure of yourself but now it's trendy to promote self love. I urge you to not worry about what is cool and to do what works for you. It's probably uncool to get excited about going out for a walk so that I can hit my step count for the day but to me, it's super cool to be that passionate about hitting my goals. Or maybe cool isn't the right word. Maybe you worry that people think you're boring. You're boring because you chose to skip a social event so you could train. Going to the gym to you is more important that going out drinking on a Friday night. But if by hitting that session you're a step closer to the person you want to be then do that! Knowing what's good for you is not boring. That's not to say you shouldn't allow time to socialise, it's all about balance and setting boundaries.

All these negative words like uncool and boring are not going to serve you. Being on a fitness journey should also be a journey of mental betterment. Learning during the process about how much you and your body can do, the goals it can reach, the PR's it can hit and the strength it can build. Your body is more than its physical appearance. So I urge you to start speaking more kindly to yourself and see how you can achieve your goals AND learn to love yourself along the way. Just the act of choosing kinder words is progress in my humble opinion. It's an important step.

Thanks for being here if you got this far! Please share with someone who you think may need to hear this.

Love Amber xo